Posts

Screennames

Let's face it, screen names can reveal a great deal about ourselves. The names we choose are often a reflection of who we'd like to be, or who we are. For some of us, choosing a screen name for our online personas is almost like choosing an email address. It can be hard.

There are several networking sites that I use faithfully and some that I had forgotten about, and when I happen upon those forgotten ones, I am often at a loss for what I see when I read profiles and screen names. Not only are the screen names overtly sexual, but the pictures are oftentimes worse. If you read the captions or the about me sections, you'll often run into statements like, "I am a professional (insert profession here) ___________________, seeking like minded people. Not into games, (and here is my personal favorite) I love the Lord and the Church, etc..." However, every photograph posted neither depicts professionalism, in fact they are quite the opposite. Every photograph reveals more than one would in a courtroom, or a church.

I have a conceptual issue with a grown woman calling herself a "Princess" I don't know there is something a little odd about that. The continuous use of the word "Sex" in screen names baffles me as well. Some of these networking sites have email, that people give out like candy to their fellow friends and coworkers. Imagine you're a lawyer with the screen name "Sexual Chocolate Fantasy" and you run into an old colleague. Most people would opt to give out their networking email address rather than their email address for some reason. To me it would be hard to take you serious if you tell me you're a Bankruptcy Lawyer and you ask me to contact you about my questions yet you ask me to email "Sexual Chocolate Fantasy." I may have to question your integrity for that matter and wonder if my case would even be handled properly.

"Diva" and "Platinum" before and after screen names always drive me crazy! Something about those names seems highly overrated. There is one particular networking site that I absolutely get kicks from because those names are used quite frequently. Not only does the site remind me of a "Ghetto Myspace," but the people in there are so typical. The site and people alone seem "drama laden." The reason I have an account in there is because of my older sister. She likes it in there and it is a way to keep up with her, however, I have been opting to use email more often than the site itself.

I have seen more half naked women in that site alone than I care to. I'll take that back...I have seen more half naked "big beautiful women" than I care to. Ok wait, I'll take that back too. I have seen more half naked, big beautiful, God loving, church going women than I care to! And on another note, I have seen more "God fearing, Christian loving, looking for my sanctified woman to create life everlasting," than I care to see. Wait! They even state that questionable profiles and nudity are not allowed, but the women in their friends list are all half naked and in EXTREME seductive poses. I guess it is that "hoe into a housewife" syndrome. Read their bios and the first thing that is mentioned is their love of God, followed by, "I need a freak!"

Those are usually the accounts with screen names like, "Big ________(fill in blank)," "GodMan4You," "GoodMan," "Sexy Chocolate" and their captions read: "I have everything you need. Fulfill your desires. I am your destiny, (etc)"
Sometimes I cringe when I receive mail from that site. I cringe when I see the screen name and the first line. I know you're wondering why, but I guess I have another conceptual issue with the use of the name, "Boo" Stop calling me "Boo!"
I am neither a "Boo" a "Baby" or a "Princess" and it annoys me immensely to be called these things. Like being called a "cutie." What in the hell is a "cutie?" It sounds so close to "booty" that my skin crawls.

So what's behind my screen name(s)? Me. I opt for my fashionable: IAmCynthia, because I Am Cynthia and I am pleased to meet you. Sometimes I just drop "IAm" altogether and use "Cynthia." In either respect, I can tell you I am a doctor, lawyer, musician, electrician, politican, and you would probably believe me because I have no "SEX,DIVA,PLATINUM,FREAK" behind that to dispel that myth. I do however believe in keeping things real. I am not a doctor, lawyer, musician, electrician or politician. I am me, and that I do not need to hide behind.

So what is behind your screen name?

Puppet

I wanted to elaborate a little more on a post that I had started a while ago, but didn't because I was tired of writing. Sometimes coming up with ideas and actually following through with them can be hard, but this was one post I should not have neglected without further explanation.

See, I'm quite sure that many of us have dealt with "control freaks" in our lifetimes, and walked away feeling drained, dazed and confused when the ride was over. Some may have felt that as a result they lost control of themselves and are now struggling to get back to center.

Control freaks can be defined as someone that has a need to control something/someone because they lack control themselves. Their lives spiral out of control because of decisions they may have made, and instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they lash out at people, places and things. Animals usually get the brunt of most of it because they are the easiest to control and generally don't fight back from the abuse, they just love us unconditionally - something we should be doing ourselves.

Relationships are pretty interesting because there may be one person that just feels the need to control everything about the other, all the way down to what they may eat and what they can wear. For some of us that can recognize this form of behavior, rebellion often becomes a form of self expression. Although rebellion may not be an appropriate word for this piece, because people choose to do what they want when they want, look how they want, listen to what they want, that one person just has to try to change the general make up of another because they are insecure within themselves. This insecurity becomes an affliction because they try to incapaciate the other because of fear.

Fear is a terribly crippling disease: fear is what keeps nations from accepting and loving each other as brothers and sisters, thus war becomes inevitable. Fear kills relationships. How so? Fear manifests into something greater...jealousy. That green-eyed monster is what keeps people from reaching out to each other and expressing themselves openly and lovingly. Fear also keeps one from exploring other possibilities and reaching true potentials. Just think about all of the things you wanted to accomplish in your lifetime, but somehow didn't because you were afraid to even try. Some people translate fear into failure, two complete opposites, yet in one's mind they mean one in the same.

This fear/failure complex siphons into homes, and destroys the very fibers of the relationship. A control freak fears that which cannot be controled and works tirelessly to break down the other's psyche. Domestic violence is part of the controller's control. After many years of a controller dismantling the mental and emotional fibers of a person, deprogramming is what I would like to call it, that person is literally devoid of anything: lacks resources to care for themselves without someone telling them how to do it, and unable to pick up the pieces so quickly. Years of treatment is in order to put the puzzle back together, but a terrible stain is forever imprinted in their minds.

For some it is hard to realize that control is actually taking place until they happen to be discussing it amongst their friends and are told that they are being controlled. One way you can actually determine if someone is trying to control you is listen to how you feel whenever you interact with someone. Do you feel wary whenever someone says something that is completely opposite of your convictions? If so, then you need to think of what you need to do to get yourself out of the situation because it isn't going to get any better. As a matter of fact it will escalate into something greater.

You can be happy in a relationship without someone telling you how to wear your hair, or choosing your music for you. If you like hip-hop and that person likes country music, it is a free world and everyone is entitled to listen to what they want. However, if the person purposefully picks a fight with you because they don't like Ice Cube and this is a continual occurence, chances are if you opt to listen to Toby Keith just to shut their mouths, you've been controlled. If your style has changed because someone cannot handle pencil skirts and pumps, to sweat suits or baggy clothes, trust me...you've been controlled. If he faithfully wore his favorite baggy jeans and t-shirt when he relaxed, only to see him in dress slacks and a button down shirt on the weekend and he grimaces when he walks down the street...trust me, he was controlled.

People fail to realize that we were bestowed with rights as individuals when we took our first breath into this "grand world," although for some, rights are not as open and free and even the freedom to practice what they believe in is encroached upon. Third world countries strip people of their rights immediately, so let's refer to America as a basis for this topic. We have rights...we are individuals, and there is nothing worse than a husband or wife, girlfriend or boyfriend, father or mother trying to strip you of your values, convictions, and morals to suit their purpose.

It is not right and it is not fair to devalue another person's lifestyle and choices because it doesn't fit your lifestyle. On one hand if you actively pursued someone that was quite the opposite of what you are, can you justify the hardships and torment you place upon them? No. You either take them as they are or leave them alone. Now this is not to say that you may run into someone that may appear to be a little "rough" around the edges and you offer (note the operative word here) suggestions to help them improve themselves; i.e., they want to improve their vocabulary so you get them books to further enrich their skills or they want to learn a trade so you help them get into school, etc... This is called helping your fellow man, not to be confused with changing them to your design. They suggested the change and may have even asked for help, that is the big difference.

Controllers do not acknowledge individualism, in fact that is a threat to them. Understand once again a controller is someone that lacks control in their lives, so they have to control something in order to feel significant. Think about it, if you never called someone a billion times in a day and now you're dealing with someone that balks at the fact that you don't call at least ten times before noon, you should be concerned. That behavior will only get worse, and no matter how much you try to explain that you were working, there will be someone chomping at the bit because you "could have taken some time out of your day to at least see how they were doing." That is selfish, unfair and unrealistic.

Also, when you find yourself constantly defending something or explaining "why" you chose to do something, listen to something, read something, eat something, etc...you really should reevaluate the entire situation and take control of you. You should pack your bags and leave. You should stop answering your phone, you should stop making those ten calls before noon and walk away before something terrible happens. It begins with you and your control of yourself.

If you control and you wonder why people stop hanging around you as much, or why you cannot have a substantial relationship with others without using force or strong-arming them into loving you, then you should seek professional help to tap into what is driving you to control others rather than yourself. I know, easier said than done because you have to admit to yourself that there is a problem before you can actually seek help...but I do believe that controllers are quite aware of what they are doing when they get a rush out of the control for their own benefit.

Being responsible for yourself is essential. If we can take stock of our own lives, we can enrich other's lives with the differences we bring to the table. As unique human beings, with our own minds and bodies...The question would be, "would you rather be a robot or an individual?"

Be your own puppeteer and pull your own strings...

Puppet

I wanted to elaborate a little more on a post that I had started a while ago, but didn't because I was tired of writing. Sometimes coming up with ideas and actually following through with them can be hard, but this was one post I should not have neglected without further explanation.

See, I'm quite sure that many of us have dealt with "control freaks" in our lifetimes, and walked away feeling drained, dazed and confused when the ride was over. Some may have felt that as a result they lost control of themselves and are now struggling to get back to center.

Control freaks can be defined as someone that has a need to control something/someone because they lack control themselves. Their lives spiral out of control because of decisions they may have made, and instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they lash out at people, places and things. Animals usually get the brunt of most of it because they are the easiest to control and generally don't fight back from the abuse, they just love us unconditionally - something we should be doing ourselves.

Relationships are pretty interesting because there may be one person that just feels the need to control everything about the other, all the way down to what they may eat and what they can wear. For some of us that can recognize this form of behavior, rebellion often becomes a form of self expression. Although rebellion may not be an appropriate word for this piece, because people choose to do what they want when they want, look how they want, listen to what they want, that one person just has to try to change the general make up of another because they are insecure within themselves. This insecurity becomes an affliction because they try to incapaciate the other because of fear.

Fear is a terribly crippling disease: fear is what keeps nations from accepting and loving each other as brothers and sisters, thus war becomes inevitable. Fear kills relationships. How so? Fear manifests into something greater...jealousy. That green-eyed monster is what keeps people from reaching out to each other and expressing themselves openly and lovingly. Fear also keeps one from exploring other possibilities and reaching true potentials. Just think about all of the things you wanted to accomplish in your lifetime, but somehow didn't because you were afraid to even try. Some people translate fear into failure, two complete opposites, yet in one's mind they mean one in the same.

This fear/failure complex siphons into homes, and destroys the very fibers of the relationship. A control freak fears that which cannot be controled and works tirelessly to break down the other's psyche. Domestic violence is part of the controller's control. After many years of a controller dismantling the mental and emotional fibers of a person, deprogramming is what I would like to call it, that person is literally devoid of anything: lacks resources to care for themselves without someone telling them how to do it, and unable to pick up the pieces so quickly. Years of treatment is in order to put the puzzle back together, but a terrible stain is forever imprinted in their minds.

For some it is hard to realize that control is actually taking place until they happen to be discussing it amongst their friends and are told that they are being controlled. One way you can actually determine if someone is trying to control you is listen to how you feel whenever you interact with someone. Do you feel wary whenever someone says something that is completely opposite of your convictions? If so, then you need to think of what you need to do to get yourself out of the situation because it isn't going to get any better. As a matter of fact it will escalate into something greater.

You can be happy in a relationship without someone telling you how to wear your hair, or choosing your music for you. If you like hip-hop and that person likes country music, it is a free world and everyone is entitled to listen to what they want. However, if the person purposefully picks a fight with you because they don't like Ice Cube and this is a continual occurence, chances are if you opt to listen to Toby Keith just to shut their mouths, you've been controlled. If your style has changed because someone cannot handle pencil skirts and pumps, to sweat suits or baggy clothes, trust me...you've been controlled. If he faithfully wore his favorite baggy jeans and t-shirt when he relaxed, only to see him in dress slacks and a button down shirt on the weekend and he grimaces when he walks down the street...trust me, he was controlled.

People fail to realize that we were bestowed with rights as individuals when we took our first breath into this "grand world," although for some, rights are not as open and free and even the freedom to practice what they believe in is encroached upon. Third world countries strip people of their rights immediately, so let's refer to America as a basis for this topic. We have rights...we are individuals, and there is nothing worse than a husband or wife, girlfriend or boyfriend, father or mother trying to strip you of your values, convictions, and morals to suit their purpose.

It is not right and it is not fair to devalue another person's lifestyle and choices because it doesn't fit your lifestyle. On one hand if you actively pursued someone that was quite the opposite of what you are, can you justify the hardships and torment you place upon them? No. You either take them as they are or leave them alone. Now this is not to say that you may run into someone that may appear to be a little "rough" around the edges and you offer (note the operative word here) suggestions to help them improve themselves; i.e., they want to improve their vocabulary so you get them books to further enrich their skills or they want to learn a trade so you help them get into school, etc... This is called helping your fellow man, not to be confused with changing them to your design. They suggested the change and may have even asked for help, that is the big difference.

Controllers do not acknowledge individualism, in fact that is a threat to them. Understand once again a controller is someone that lacks control in their lives, so they have to control something in order to feel significant. Think about it, if you never called someone a billion times in a day and now you're dealing with someone that balks at the fact that you don't call at least ten times before noon, you should be concerned. That behavior will only get worse, and no matter how much you try to explain that you were working, there will be someone chomping at the bit because you "could have taken some time out of your day to at least see how they were doing." That is selfish, unfair and unrealistic.

Also, when you find yourself constantly defending something or explaining "why" you chose to do something, listen to something, read something, eat something, etc...you really should reevaluate the entire situation and take control of you. You should pack your bags and leave. You should stop answering your phone, you should stop making those ten calls before noon and walk away before something terrible happens. It begins with you and your control of yourself.

If you control and you wonder why people stop hanging around you as much, or why you cannot have a substantial relationship with others without using force or strong-arming them into loving you, then you should seek professional help to tap into what is driving you to control others rather than yourself. I know, easier said than done because you have to admit to yourself that there is a problem before you can actually seek help...but I do believe that controllers are quite aware of what they are doing when they get a rush out of the control for their own benefit.

Being responsible for yourself is essential. If we can take stock of our own lives, we can enrich other's lives with the differences we bring to the table. As unique human beings, with our own minds and bodies...The question would be, "would you rather be a robot or an individual?"

Be your own puppeteer and pull your own strings...

"Ahhhh yes Johnny....Take a good look...Because no matter how cleverly you sneak up on your image in the mirror, it is still staring back at you dead-on..."
-Louis Cypher - Angel Heart

Nowinehouse

Winehouse sings in Spain, glass of wine in hand

ARGANDA DEL REY, Spain (AP) -- Soul diva Amy Winehouse sipped from a glass of red wine and looked a bit unsteady on her feet as she appeared in front of a large audience at the Rock in Rio music festival southeast of Madrid on Friday.

Then, as tens of thousands cheered, she threw off a pair of high stiletto heels in favor of white moccasins, donned a white electric guitar and settled into an intense rendition of some of her best known songs, including "Rehab."

Winehouse delivered a strong vocal performance accompanied by her octet plus two male backing vocalists.

There was no hint of the controversy that saw the Grammy-winning singer scuffle with a fan at the Glastonbury festival in Britain and show up an hour late looking the worse for wear last May in Portugal.

The singer won five Grammy Awards, including best record, best song and best new artist, in early February, but her musical success has been overshadowed by her tumultuous private life and public struggles with drugs and alcohol.

Last month, her father said she developed emphysema from smoking cigarettes and crack cocaine, although her spokeswoman has said Winehouse only has pre-emphysema symptoms.

Once finished at Rock in Rio, she did not stay for an encore and left the outdoor concert venue by helicopter.

Winehouse's manager, Michael Jobson, told national broadcaster RTVE that the singer had looked forward to singing in Madrid after appearances in Portugal and Hyde Park, London.

Ok so here's my problem with Amy Winehouse and everyone glamourizing this woman deadset on killing herself.  Besides the fact that she was filmed smoking crack and making racist rants (here in America an incredible number of multi cultural people love this woman's music....their dollars helped make her rich) she decides to be racial.  Personally to me she looks, acts and sounds like "trailer trash" and I am really baffled as to why she is even famous.  I tried listening to her once, because I wanted to see what the hype was about her, and couldn't understand a damn thing this woman was saying.

So being a crackhead isn't enough...racist rants about the very people that lined your pocketbooks isn't enough, now we have to continue to perpetuate the alcohol and drug problem by jumping onstage with a drink in hand!

Here is what has been driving me crazy about musicians (especially those that continually live in the limelight).  One little slip-up and the entire world knows, yet also knowing that the younger audiences are already fascinated with "living on the edge" i.e., drugs, drinking, partying, stealing, criminal activities, our wonderful musicians continue to be persuasive to their younger fans (you know they automatically become role models whether they want to or not) and fails to realize that their every action is being emulated by the youth.

It is bad enough to have people like Lindsay Lohan continue to be a public alcoholic menace.  Bad enough that Winehouse continues to stay in the news for her alcoholism and drugs.  Bad enough that Spears is STILL in the news.  Why are we enabling this type of behavior in the first place?  Why do we as consumers continue to line these idiot's pockets with our purchases and support?  Shouldn't we show our children that there is more to life than being a public menace?

Continuous ads run daily about the outcomes of drinking and driving, yet Lohan is literally caught daily smashed out of her mind.  "Just Say No" to drugs is plastered along billboards, yet we still idolized Winehouse as though she is some goddess.  I will tell you what she is, she is hellbent on HER self destruction, another Spears wanting public attention.  Well guess what?  She will never get my dollar!  She doesn't even get airplay in my house, I do not own one Amy Winehouse production and I NEVER will.  Here is one BLACK person's dollar she will NOT bank on.

I am concerned about the morality of our people, everything in America seems to be one contradiction after another. 

Feed Your Mind...Nourish Your Soul

Musicbookslogo

I totally have a newfound respect for Iceberg Slim.  Although I had his books from when I was a teen, I could not appreciate what it was he was truly trying to teach the young brothers and sisters of the day. 

I decided to reread them over the weekend (yes so far I have read a couple) and I am absolutely astounded.

One that really stands out in my mind is "Mama Black Widow: A Tragic, Bitter Family Portrait."  A powerful novella about a black family moving from the South to the "promised land" of the North.  I won't give away too much of the storyline, but I will say this:  I felt for Otis and truly wanted him to see a better light than what was shone.  (By the way I discovered they are making a movie for Mama Black Widow so I would definitely be interested to see how it turns out)

You feel for the characters that Iceberg brings to light.

Second book, " The Naked Soul of Iceberg Slim," is a collection of thoughts from Iceberg.  He really laid it down about the "pimp" game and how society may have glamorized "pimpdom" it really wasn't something that was to be idolized.

Iceberg Slim was an incredible writer of his time...

Next book, "Pimp" and I can't wait!

(Disclaimer:  For those of you who do not know about Robert Beck, better known by his ghetto name, Iceberg Slim, he was a pimp, dope addict, brutalizer of women - and other Blacks.  He cured himself of the ghetto, and started writing about his people and his life.  These books were honest, sensitive portraits of ghetto life and people.)

If you're interested in reading more about Iceberg Slim or even his books, follow the carousel ;-)

The next few days will be spent researching whether or not I can truly make money online. I have tried online surveys, only to have my inbox bombarded with SPAM from hell, not to mention, whenever I open something that says, "Hey take this survey and get $35!" The problem is, it isn't a survey but rather an offer. There are difference between surveys and offers. Surveys ask you endless amounts of questions about a certian topic. Offers mean you sign up for what they present to you. "Get a Free Ipod...sign up now!" Only to have your email entered into a national or rather international email base where SPAM rules. Yesterday my SPAM box had 3,897 messages, all letting me know I can get free cosmetics, I won a $500 gift card to Macys, I can get a FREE Laptop....Yeah right....Offers flood my inbox and I literally cringe when I open it.

Whew! I do realize there are legitimate places that pay well to type documents and read email. What I don't like to read is an "offer" that states I can makes thousands of dollars and get out of debt...but first I should send $500 to get started. Listen up....if I am broke beforehand, I don't hardly think I am going to GIVE someone $500 of my hard earned dollars to have a list sent to me of places willing to pay top dollar for a job!

Pyramid schemes, are they beneficial? I have stumbled across sites that offer pyramid schemes, but it is confusing and contrived. Too many loopholes and hoops to jump through just to make a dollar. I'm sure if I sold an air conditioner to a company, signed one of my friends, and they sold and air conditioner to someone and they signed someone, it would be beneficial. However, in this day and age, people can't afford groceries and gas...let alone an air conditioner!

I signed up for Google Adsense, and Amazon Associates. I now have an aStore through Amazon (kinda cool) so once I get the word out about that, I would love to see what it generates. Since America is experiencing a deficit with the economy, I know it is asking too much to buy a cd, but the added perk with this is....you don't have to waste your gas driving to the store! The widget for my aStore is embedded at the bottom of my page! Happy Shopping!

My next venture is blogging for cash. Here is where I might experience a potential problem, because I generally don't have that much to say, yet I am signed up with about 10 blog sites, that pay. Now I have to think of ideas to blog about...this is going to be hard! I am sure however, that with patience and perseverance, I can eventually make some money with a blog...and maybe even get back into my initial passion which was writing.

I will look into Social Networking as well because I generally receive about 30 emails a day from FaceBook concerning it. My question is can I really make money adding friends to my friend's list? Will this increase my bank account, or just my friend's list? (The messages always read, "Social Networking Makes Money For You...") So does this mean my newfound friends give me jobs or money? (this is worth looking into!)

My investigation will consist of companies dead set on flooding my inbox with offers and options. I will add to this post once it is completed.

Akasha

I just read an interesting article from men turned off by the fact that their girlfriends and wives are too clingy and possessive. They explained that while they were at work the women had ample "me time" but when they were at home the women became a second appendage, often disabling them from the quality time they so needed themselves.

I know exactly how they feel when it comes to quality time to one's self. There is nothing like being with someone 24/7 and literally feeling like your essence is being zapped away from you because someone is so insecure with the fact that maybe you need to be alone for a moment just to recharge. I have been in innumerous arguments trying to explain that just because I need some time alone didn't mean I was ready to throw the relationship away.

I have friends (female) that literally suck the life essence from their men because they need to know the guy's every movement, every detail, every thought. When the guy wants to hang out with his friends or family it becomes a major production, oftentimes where the guy has to lie just to get a few moments away. I sympathize because I know what that is like, you feign work for the weekend to have a moment of peace and tranquility.

A couple of my friends don't quite understand that relationships are built on compromise, trust and understanding. Going to the gym doesn't necessarily mean he is checking out the women at the gym, but perhaps he is actually going to the gym to work out. Working out is a great form of stress release, not add stressors prior.

I know a few of the men that I have dealt with find that I am quite the opposite of what they normally deal with. I actually respect another person's time and space, and I don't feel like each waking moment I should possess. We have things to do, people to see, and money to make. I would actually get harassed because I didn't call all day everyday just for the sake of calling.

When a person can't get a simple moment of silence just to recharge, animosity can build towards the other person. Think about it, if you have children, you look forward to bedtime just so that you can have a break, watch TV or read that book you've been trying to read for ages. This doesn't mean you don't like your kids, but everyone knows that raising a child takes a great deal of time, energy, effort and most of all love. The same as a relationship. You must be able to nourish your relationship, cultivate it and step back and take a breather.

This article explained that his girlfriend, now pregnant demands that he spends all of his time with her. Even when he gets home from work, a definite time to recharge, she is literally glued to him. He described how he sometimes just walks out of the door for an hour or two with telling her, simply because he knows she will balk about it. She feels as though time away from her would mean a new life that doesn't include her, and she simply cannot deal with it.

Hmmmmmm, what's an hour away from the house? That seems to be enough time to drive around the corner a few times, or park your car somewhere and ponder your day before your mighty succubus steals your life force. What that sounds like to me is insecurity, which leads to possessiveness and crazed thoughts and feelings. You shouldn't worry about an hour away, worry when the person stops coming home period.
So they want to spend time with family and friends, is that really so hard to accept? Their family and friends were definitely there before you were, they are just another extension of your loved one, that shouldn't wreck havoc on your home.

Here are a few examples of someone who smothers their loved one:

1. While they are on the phone you lurk in the shadows listening in and adding your commentary while they speak.

2. You're first before you see their shadow.

3. You know you don't like football, yet you're smack dab in the middle of the gang.

4. They use the bathroom facilities with you (sometimes those private moments really should be PRIVATE)

5. Sitting at the breakfast table reading the paper, your face is covering up the headlines.

(I'm poking fun at this, but some of these experiences are real.)

I absolutely cringe whenever I hear, "I was nothing without this person in my life, now I am someone and I HAVE to spend every moment with them."  Here is an eye-opener for you: You were someone before you met them, you are still someone with them!

So how about using your children to keep a stronghold on your loved one? I just had a conversation earlier today with a friend where he explained to me that his friend's wife wouldn't let him pursue his musical career because of her insecurities, and literally told him he would never be able to see his son if he did. That is absolutely CRAZY! Love is not BINDING and should not be used to control someone....ever...

Communication is the key to an effective relationship, however, discussing instances of smothering can be uncomfortable. There are tactful ways of explaining "me time." One could usually say that it is essential that I have at least an hour of downtime so that I can be my best with you. Assurance can help lessen the stress. For myself, since I am prone to awful mood swings, if I don't get my time, well let's just say that it isn't "pretty," and I even had to find tactful ways of saying, "I need to recharge my battery...."

Sometimes people don't quite understand that smothering can run a person right out of the door. I know for myself, I tend to gravitate towards "standalone" players, because they have their own lives, their own sense of self and do not waste their energy reflecting on the amount of time we're not spending with each other.  Too much time with each other can be a lethal combination, like lighters and paper. Think about it, if you are around someone all of the time, literally 24/7 you begin to notice their idiosyncrasies and begin to pick them apart. After awhile you no longer desire to be in the company of the person and do think about the "greener pastures."

Respect for each other, especially time, space, family and friends can go a long way to achieving a greater appreciation for each other...

The choice is yours...